Why Pastors’ Kids Walk Away (and How to Stop It)

Why do so many pastor and missionary kids walk away from God? Is it just inevitable? And what can all Christian parents—and really all Christians—do to help prevent this?

Welcome to Provoke and Inspire, where I wrestle with culture and current events by asking, What would Jesus think? What would Jesus do?

Recently, I came across an Instagram video of a guy sharing how, though his father was a Christian self-help author, he and his sister are gay and now view their upbringing as fraudulent. His tone was caustic, critical, and dramatic—but sadly, this kind of story is not rare. It’s become incredibly common for pastors’ kids and missionary kids to not just walk away from God, but to reject Him entirely, often with bitterness.

Why is this?

Every parent, not just those in vocational ministry, wrestles with how to raise kids who genuinely want to follow Jesus. The first thing to acknowledge is that we don’t ultimately control the outcome. That’s an important caveat. Our choices do matter. They shape how our kids view God. But at the end of the day, they still choose.

As a missionary kid myself, I want to share a few things I believe my parents did right. They’re not perfect, and neither am I, but I think there are principles here that are vital for every Christian parent, and especially for those in ministry.

First, my parents didn’t live a split or compartmentalized life. Too often, pastors and missionaries have an “on-stage” version of themselves and an “at-home” version that’s entirely different. Sometimes it’s even blatant hypocrisy—kind and loving in public, but harsh and cold behind closed doors. In other cases, it’s more subtle. There’s spiritual passion and reverence in ministry settings, but at home, faith feels absent or mechanical.

For me, spiritual life was embedded in our home. It wasn’t perfect or hyper-ritualistic, but it was real. I saw my parents genuinely seek God, not just in public but in private. They made knowing and following Jesus a priority every day, not just in ministry contexts.

Second, I never felt second to the ministry. A lot of pastors and missionaries sacrifice their families on the altar of “God’s work.” Kids grow up feeling overlooked or like distractions from the mission. I’ve heard stories of missionary kids sent to boarding schools for years, barely seeing their parents. Even today, many parents pour more passion into their ministry than they do into their families.

That wasn’t my experience. My dad was at every soccer game. If he was out of the country, he called to ask how it went. He poured the same creativity and energy into our lives as he did into his ministry. And I always knew that if I needed him or my mom, they would drop everything to be there for us.

That kind of priority leaves a lasting mark.

Lastly, my parents didn’t pretend to be perfect. Ministry can put people on pedestals, and with that comes pressure to appear flawless. But my dad was quick to apologize. I remember him getting down on our level, looking me in the eyes, and saying, “I’m sorry. That wasn’t right.” That humility spoke volumes.

It showed me that God wasn’t some religious system that needed performing. My dad needed grace, just like I did. That shaped my view of God more than any sermon.

In the end, kids don’t need perfect parents. They need real ones. Parents who are more focused on knowing Jesus than performing for Him. Parents who are humble, honest, and who refuse to sacrifice their children in the name of religious duty.

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