The End of Loneliness Starts With You

We have become so used to feeling and being anonymous, being unseen, being uncared for, that when someone takes the time to do something like that, it's not just like we're walking around going, oh, should I do to them what I want done to me? I think it's like, man, we don't even know how desperate we are. And so when someone cares, it's almost like you don't even know how to handle it. That's the feeling I get. Jesus saw him. Jesus didn't look up when he was up in the tree and say, you are oppressing people. You are, you know, all the kind of normal things that I might do if I was acting like a lot of Jesus followers today. Instead he said, I see you and I'm coming to your house. And because of that, he repented. And Jesus says, today salvation has come to this house. Watching that video and then just having this conversation is a great challenge and a great reminder of your listening to the Provoke and Inspire podcast. What's up everyone? Welcome to the Provoke and Inspire podcast, learning how to follow Jesus in a post-Christian world. My name is Ben Pearce. Joining me is David Pearce, my dad. And then we got Chad Ochocinco Johnson. No Luke Greenwood. Today we do this weird musical chair thing where we go back and forth. But three is better than two, which is better than one. That's math. Brian McKnight said it best, but I'm not going to sing for you. Uh, I told the fellas we got to jump right in. That's why they're kind of looking like they want to say something but aren't the topic for today. Hey, I made it through that segment without saying anything. Art. All right, let me tell you guys what we're going to be talking about today. Uh, for those who listen to the last regular episode that featured myself, David and Luke, uh, on that particular episode, we talked about the limits of rationality, how apologetics is important, how it became very popular in reaction to the rise of new atheists. So you have all of these icons of apologetics. You have William Lane Craig and Lee Strobel and John Lennox and all these guys, and it becomes really popular on YouTube. And there's a whole culture that grows around that, like John Lennox dunking on Richard Dawkins, you know, and you got that whole kind of content genre, which is, you know, a conversation of itself. But the point is you have the rise of apologetics and it becomes a, I would say, more of a mainstream thing. And yet, as we ask the question, are we fulfilling the Great Commission as followers of Jesus, are we making disciples? We need to challenge the tools that I think God has given us to accomplish that. And so on the last episode, we talked about the limits of rationality, the limits of argumentation, and how it can be useful. It can be part of the body of Christ. But we are fundamentally complex human creatures with emotions, and there's a supernatural component to it, obviously. So go back and listen to that. But what I want to do today is I'll just set this up for you guys real quick. And then I want to play a video because I came across a instagramer, I guess I don't know where he started TikTok or where, but he's a comedian named Troy Hawk and he's this hilarious dude with a mustache. And we all know I love mustached dudes. Uh, but he's this comedian. He goes on the streets, he wears this purple robe and in this British accent, using great vocabulary. He compliments people and but in a real way, it's not. Yeah, authentically. Authentically. Authentically. Like he's he's clearly playing a character, but his compliments aren't fake. And you'll hear that and see that when I play this video in a second. The way I would describe it is socially disruptive in the best possible way. You know, you have all these people living there, lonely, isolated lives. You got the AirPods in everyone kind of doing their thing. We have this loneliness epidemic in our culture today that's well documented that people talk about all the time. You have society which now functions in such a way where we never have to see each other, and we live in this incredibly lonely time. And here comes this guy, and he just breaks down all of those barriers in a, in a really profound way. And I want to play this because I think that this could be something that followers of Jesus need to take note of. I think we need to be saying, how can we be socially disruptive? How can we break past the isolation that we impose upon ourselves? And technology amplifies? And maybe is this guy revealing something very, very crucial about what it takes to reach people? And then I want to have a broader conversation about that, because I think in the risks, you often talk about Chad or David, the interactions that you'll have out in public that I'll be witness to. I think we've seen evidence of that in our own mission. How when you're willing to break down those barriers, God can use that in a profound way. So I'm going to share this video because seeing it and hearing it does way better justice than me describing it. As I said, his name is Troy Hawke and he's pretty dang hilarious. So check this out. Magnificent. Have you got three pocket squares? Just one. Just one folded perfectly. Look at you now look at you. Your hair is on point, sir. Woof! Thank you so much. That is the first time I've been called that. Hopefully not the last. You have the easygoing stroll of a man on his own clock. It's a very well tied scarf. Thank you. You look like the boss of something. You should be. You look wonderful. I'm not sure about it. I love that you can just toss out a compliment like that. Like if I saw a gentleman got his tie crooked humorously, I go, I feel like when you were just someone's jaw in that manner, you've hurdled the Smalltalk barrier. Impulsive, but in a good way. Tactful way. You got this. That is an outfit. You are sunshine in human form. All right, well, there you have it. And again, I could have kept going on and on. I don't know how much of that the boys will decide to play, because more or less it's the same thing just over and over. The dude's vocabulary is awesome. I think that's part of what makes it so great, right? That he's so smooth in his delivery and he uses such hilariously great words. But if it felt disingenuous or if it felt like a prank or a gag, then I just don't think it would hit quite the same because people would just be offended by it. I think they'd be offended or confused or whatever, but what makes it so compelling is that it feels so real. And as I said, it's so socially disrupting in a positive way that I think it just changes the entire atmosphere. What do you guys think? Is this just something funny that we can kind of laugh at or dismiss? Or do you think that this guy is Troy Hawk onto something? And should followers of Jesus be following his example in being socially disruptive for the gospel? What do you guys think? So we've done a lot of things in Turkey. In fact, we need to get back to Turkey. And it's is extremely hardcore, especially in the places that we were going to. You know, we had people threaten us with knives and throw rocks at us. All kinds of crazy stories. And these young Turkish guys, you know, in their twenties, were super aggressive and just it was really, really tough. And I don't know, I think it was the Holy Spirit that kind of because I was praying, God, how do I how are we going to first of all, I got to care about these people, you know, not just because it's hard to care about people that are trying to kill you all the time. But I just thought when I see a bunch of tough young Turkish guys, you know, talking to each other, I'm just going to go over to them and put my arm around them, you know what I mean? So I would just like, walk right into him and I'd put my arms around him like, like this. And I'd go, hey, you guys, how's it going? It was amazing. It was socially disruptive. And then they're like wanting to talk to me. And then we were seeing people come to Jesus, you know, like crazy. At the end of our shows, it took risk, you know, to be vulnerable like that, but it just broke something. And so that's just an example of when we are in this hardcore Muslim country and how it just just broke down all these barriers. Watching that clip reminds me of where Jesus lays out the golden rule for us to treat others the way that we want to be treated. I was also drawn to the book I'm reading, which is The Old school How to Win Friends and Influence People. I was like this. This is crazy because he basically took a chapter out of Jesus's ministry to people and out of Dale Carnegie's teachings. He definitely does have an amazing way with words, but also just the fact that he was able to find something significant, something uplifting to point out uniquely about each individual and the other superpower is like how quickly he was able to do that. And it does remind me of the many times that God has used me in the lives of others, where it's just like David, the example he shared. It's like somehow by the spirit you can have almost instant rapport with someone. And like the normal challenging exterior or the or the hard shell to like move past in a social setting is just, you know, like the walls just boom down. Uh, and so that was it was great. I had not actually heard of this guy before, but I'm gonna give him a serious follow. Yeah. I think the thing that I want to emphasize with this, though, is that while there's of course like a supernatural component, like David, you said you felt led to do that. I think what makes this really powerful and profound is that it's also just very normal and very human, you know, and you said that, Chad, you know, this is essentially is like an embodiment of the Golden rule. But I think what makes this interesting is that I don't know if we even know we want this, or if we even know we need this. I said earlier that I think we have this self-imposed cages of isolation where we kind of convince ourselves that, oh, I'm stressed, I'm busy. I don't really want to talk to anyone. I don't really want to. I'm in line. I'm much easier just to put my AirPods in and risk, you know, having to talk to the guy next to me. So in some weird ways, I think the enemy convinces us that we don't want social interaction, we don't want to be seen, we don't want to be known. And yet when someone takes the time to see us and know us, it's like it activates something in us that can kind of become dormant or that we can lie to ourselves that we don't need. It's like this, this hunger. Because then someone will do that to you and you're like, it'll stick with you. I remember really randomly, I was like at a Chipotle with one of my kids and this guy. Not weird at all. Guy comes up to me and goes, I like your look, man. Like, I like the vibe. Like the glasses and the hat. The hair. Like, it was just a young dude, and I was just like, I didn't even know what to say. It was, like, almost emotional. I was just like, you know. And I'm not like some I'd like to think I'm not some needy guy that's walking around desperate for compliments, but the fact that the guy would just totally break that norm of complimenting not just another person, but another dude, right in that way. On his appearance, but not in a weird way. I just was like, man, this we we almost don't know how desperate we are. You know that quote that says, most men lead lives of quiet desperation? I think we've become so used to feeling and being anonymous, being unseen, being uncared for, that when someone takes the time to do something like that, it's not just like we're walking around going, oh, should I do to them what I want done to me? I think it's like, man, we don't even know how desperate we are. And so when someone cares, it's almost like you don't even know how to handle it. That's the feeling I get. It's something you have to train yourself to do, because we have been so conditioned to just live in our own little worlds. Like that book that you're reading, Chad, How to win friends and Influence people. It's amazing how challenging that book is, but like you said, it's kind of breaking the social norm. You're not supposed to do that. But like that guy did when you were at the Chipotle. I mean, as an example of that, one of the things that I'm doing now all the time with people I meet is I'll ask them their name. So, you know, I was at one of my mini doctor visits and this nurse is like checking me out. And so the first thing I do is I say, what's your name? And so she tells me her name, and. And then after she checks me out, Jody says, how can we pray for you now? And she's like in tears. She she got so emotional she had to leave. Just the fact that we cared enough to ask about her. Not just how are you doing, but what's your name? You know, just a simple thing like that. But again, back to the fundamental question, which is how do we make that scene people, right? Isn't that the. Well, that's my that's exactly what I was going to say is that I think we get so caught up in technique and having the right answers and being worried about how we're going to look or be foolish or whatever, that I think we make it way too complicated. I think, as this guy proves, if we'd be just willing to really see people and by see people, it's not just like in your heart, like, then take the risk to know that you see them. That's the key, right? That's the distinction with a critical difference. It's not enough to see people because I think that might I mean, truly that might even be the first step. Sometimes we just don't even see people anymore. And the Holy Spirit at times has I really felt like said to me, Ben, look around like, look at these people through my eyes for a second. And that might be step one. But I think, of course, the other side of it, it's like gratitude. There ain't a whole lot of worth in being grateful if you never say it out loud to God or anyone. In the same way, you ain't gonna make people feel very seen if you don't do anything to let them know that they're seen. Right? So yes, you got to see people. But really, don't you think, Chad, it could be that simple. It's just taking that risk and saying maybe, like you said, maybe it's a smile. It's what's your name? It's how can I pray for you? But it's these little acts or compliments, these little acts of I have not only in my head seen you, I am embodying that through this little risk I'm taking to be socially disruptive, to do something which is so really easy in the end. Right? No, absolutely. You're right on both fronts. You know, like, I don't think that most of us recognize how hungry we are for genuine appreciation because it's so rare. The Chipotle example or any other example, it's like it's shockingly uncommon for somebody just out in life to interrupt the flow and then give us some kind of compliment, right. What I know for sure is that the odds that you can help someone see Jesus by simply keeping your earbuds in and by staring at your phone slim to none that someone's actually going to experience Jesus, but simply by asking someone's name? Or how can you pray for them or complimenting them and then listening like the reminder. As I've been reading through, I think I'm about halfway through the How to Win Friends and Influence people is how much of that stuff I was already learning and have already learned by the Holy Spirit as it connected to all of the times that I was desiring to treat someone with exceptional love and appreciation. Chad, you said when there's a genuine connection, I think that can hang us up because we are entrusted with the act of obedience to create that connection. And also, I think we overestimate what it requires to create that connection. Like we've already said, people feel so disconnected and so unseen that if you would simply say, hey, what's your name? You know, Billy, you know, I just I've watched you. You do a really great job. You serve people so well. I really appreciate that. Step three you can start. You can ask them for prayer. Right after that. You don't have to build any more connection. I promise you, if you've taken the time to ask them their name, and you've gone out of your way to say something about their character, I mean, it's great to say your hair is cool, but I think even more meaningful to people is that I see your heart from there. That's enough of a connection, right, David? We ain't gotta wait any more than that or waste any more time. By then. I think people are so blown away with how seen they felt that, yeah, they still may not, like, give their lives to Jesus right in that moment or respond how you might want them to. But the point is, that's enough of a bridge. I think you just go from there. I mean, Jesus was the biggest example of that, right? Seeing seeing people and the scripture that I think it's just stellar at making this point is in Luke nineteen one through ten where Jesus sees Zacchaeus, who is this evil tax collector, hated little weasel, hated weasel, you know, and he's ripping off people and despised by everybody. And, uh, and he wanted to see Jesus. So he climbs a tree. And so Jesus, when he reaches the spot where he is, he goes, he looks up and sees him, and he goes, Zacchaeus, come down. I'm going to come to your house for dinner. And in that culture, that was super like honoring for him to say, I'm going to, I want to come to your house for dinner. And so now it's like an imposition. But back then it was back then it was an honor. So Zacchaeus comes down and he comes to his home, which was, like offended all the religious people. Um, because here he was honoring, showing honor to this guy that everyone despised. And because of that, he said, I want to give half of my possessions to the poor. If I've cheated anybody out of anything and will pay back four times the amount. But why did he come to that repentance? Because Jesus saw him. Jesus didn't look up at him when he was up on the tree and say, you are stealing people, the poor. You are oppressing people. You are, you know, all the kind of normal things that I might do if I was acting like a lot of Jesus followers today. Instead he said, I see you and I'm coming to your house. I'm going to want to come to your house. And because of that, he repented, and he turned away. And Jesus says, today salvation has come to this house. And that awesome. Wow, that is so powerful. Well, and that takes that raises the bar to an entirely new level, because we're talking about just nice, well-meaning people that we happen to see or interact with. Right, right. Jesus, of course, raises the bar to an entire level. So, you know, if you're the stuffy church person, this is the LGBT activists that you're calling down from the tree. If you're a crazy liberal, then this is the Ice agent. Yeah, right. Come to my house from the tree. Have dinner for you to make dinner for you. So fill in the blank of your biggest archetype of hate. The hate person you hate the most. That's who Jesus is saying. See them? Exactly. All the more. And again, I think, you know, as you pointed out perfectly and went to, I think, the the greatest example of that. But really, Jesus's life is so characterized by seeing the individual. You know, he he had three years of active ministry, you know, and I'm sure his publishing team and his marketing department and his, you know, book agent or whatever would have been like, all right, here's the deal. You got to only do arenas. You know, we got to not do the small podcast. We got to we got to hit the maximum audience. And we've had people say no to this podcast on that basis. And, look, they can say that whatever, it's up to them. But the point is they've used language of like stewardship, like, right. You know, I only have so much time in this life, and I don't want to waste it on monsters like you. Um, but the point is, like, you know, he didn't do that, right? He he he raised twelve dudes, spent a ton of time with bumbling goons who kept getting the answers wrong. He went to the woman at the well. He went to the woman caught in adultery. He saw the hated little weasel, Zacchaeus. He. He was not in a rush. He spent time with individuals. I mean, if there's any example that you need irrefutable proof that the first step to changing lives is to. And the people and the world, well, that's the thing. That's the thing. That's why God's economy is upside down. Yeah. So it's this idea of seeing people is not just a nice little, oh, cute. Wear a robe and compliment people. It is so much deeper than that. Chad, you look like you're going to say something. Chad. I can see it coming off your forehead. Either that or he's making a coin every time his forehead is starting to glow. It is every time I want to say something, either my dog is scratching at my door to be let in or to be let out. It's like, so that wasn't your wife. I mean, look, we can't go there, David. We have to cut this part. Preferably not out. That would be creepy. Yeah, it would be weird in a different. Let her come in. She shouldn't have to scratch on the door, man. No, I know it's weird, but, um, I'm trying to be super focused because I realized, um, in. I took Ben's advice and I watched a couple of episodes, and I want to. I want to publicly repent to the entire Provoke and Inspire podcast crew who has for listeners, I'm great. And you never would have known this, but for watchers, I've been the most distracted, fumbling like I'm looking down at my phone, I'm looking at this screen. I'm like, going over here. It's like it's so embarrassing. I was like, oof, give that guy a pill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I think I, I'm like the most, you know, ADHD. I don't know why. Why you're not just struck dead. We should we should duct tape him to a chair and then, like, have some sort of helmet that keeps his head like this. I mean, the times where I've zoned out on Ben asking me questions is like, you know, well, that's why it's you. You you need to let let her come in the door, not me. Yeah, I do. If you have. No, it's all good. So anyway, she I think she left, which is great. Do you have anything to contribute? Because I we can. We ain't got to drag this. I feel like we're at the end here. No, I think it's. I think it's just a great challenge watching that video and and reading this, the book that I've been reading. And then just having this conversation is a great challenge and a great reminder of who God calls me in every single one of us to be, and to step into that awkward space of help me to see even one person today, the way you see them, and to be able to call out the treasure that they are in a way that is, that's going to speak to them, and it's going to speak like like I think one of you said, like, like it speaks to the soul. You know, it's not just the nice hair or you look great. I mean, there's a guy here in town in Chattanooga that is, in my opinion, the coolest looking person maybe I've ever seen. And I've complimented him on that. And we've connected as a result. But the even better thing is here's like that soul character. And then from there, it's like what God can do. It's like there's no end. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, let me just end with a few practical ideas. I mean, again, I think this entire subject is incredibly practical because there's nobody listening to this who can't take some of the courage from this funny comedian or just from the examples that we've given or testimonies in your own life that attest to the power of seeing people. But there are a couple of things that I think you could do that seem fairly generic, but I think they're very powerful. The first is we just need to get better at asking better questions. If you ask how the weather is or you ask, you know you'd be amazed if you just ask a good question, right? Or even if you just ask a question that seems generic, but ask it in a meaningful way. No, no. How are you really doing? Like, are you doing all right? That kind of question or David, you often talk about the idea of what's your spiritual life like? So I think we need to learn how to ask better questions. But the other one I heard this advice from like a networking guru, and he said that you need to ask one more question than you want to. And he says, it's amazing what will happen when you ask that one more question, how it'll go from like the oh yeah, I'm good. Have a good one to. Now all of a sudden you're having this really profound social interaction with someone. And so you're in the elevator or you're in the line. You ask that initial question, you know, you know, I don't know. What have you been up to today? It's like, oh, you know, I've been to work and, you know, it's been busy running back and forth. What is it that you love about your job. You know, is there? What? Or you know, where do you hope to be in the future? What are you dreaming about? What are you aspiring to? Oh, that job is really cool. Where are you hoping that this will take you? And I think what will happen is you'll start to have a real conversation with someone. And like we have been saying all along, don't listen to the lie that people don't want to talk, that, oh, they don't want to be bothered. That same very superficial veneer you put over yourself that you don't want it. You actually want it to. You actually want it to. And I think every time I find myself in a randomly cool conversation with a stranger, I always walk away like, man, that was a really profound experience that touched a part of my soul that was that needed that. And I'm sure they did as well. So ask better questions. Ask one more question than you want to. Just when you feel that instinct to wrap it up, wrap it up so you can get back to your isolation, ask that one more, deeper follow up question, like you're interviewing the person and, uh, and see where God takes that kind of social interaction, because people will feel seen. You'll be socially disruptive. You don't need to wear a purple robe, though. Maybe you should. And even if your vocabulary is not like Troy's, you always, the first step you know is start. And you'll start to feel God's heart. There's something about the treasure of making it a about like the focus being someone else and just thinking through that lens of like, what is it about this person that makes them so beautiful, so unique? Aaron and I were in California a few weeks ago, and we met with a donor that we've never met with for lunch. And halfway through our conversation, he stopped us and he said, I just want you guys to know that you ask really good questions. So it's like, and that was like the like, we totally connected, had an amazing time together because we were just asking genuine questions and showing real interest. And so, yeah, I don't know, I just pray I pray that that the Lord uses this conversation selfishly in my own life, and then not as selfishly in the lives of all our listeners to be able to step into this so great topic, Ben. Yeah. Everyone listening. Give it a try this week and then let us know how it went. If it doesn't work out well for you Luke at Aug. So if it does work well, provoke and inspire podcast at npr.org. If it was an epic failure and you're bitter and angry, Luke at Aug, you can go ahead and DM us on Instagram. We're on all the socials. Go and join our broadcast channel. But now we're going to wrap this whole thing up in a beautiful bow. A bow of delight, whimsy and wonder derived from the life of one David Pierce. David's random story. So anyway, Ben reminded me of this. First, an update from Nigel. And actually Ben brought this up because, as you know, he was in Detroit. He's from New Zealand, he was in Detroit and he got picked up by ice because he was undocumented and he was sent to Chad, which was not anything to do with Chad. He did get invited. He did get invited to the white House, which was a cool, cool. Anyway, so Nigel's in Chad, and then he's trying to get it. Nigel wants to have like, an indoor facility to live in. But then finally, I don't know, Nigel, you got to hand it to him. But he got a hold of the Norwegian Olympic team. What do they call those guys that do the big? The ski jump, the strutters jump? Skiers, the guys that go down. He got a hold of the Norwegian. What Olympic do you do that? Okay, I Norwegian ski jumper. I sent you Chad and Luke. This exercise to do where you look at the transcript of how you speak. You watch yourself and then you follow this. Your transcript literally looks like a mr. Potato Head version of the verbal. He got. He got like he got a hold of the Norwegian ski jumpers. Don't ask me how I mean. And he how he came up with a suit that they wear that has a special sail, a sail flap on the crotch, so that when they go down, what it's like a it's like flap, a sail flap like you have on a sailboat, a crotch. So flap. Yeah. So that because it's to give them more distance and then they actually caught this is true. If I'm not making this up you can look they got in trouble for it. And so now it's even worse for Nigel because he's thinking now I'm never going to get out of here because of the controversy over this whole thing. You didn't see that, Chad? I did see that, actually. I wanted to figure out where to buy one of those, but. I figured, what would be your use? You should buy one of those. Yeah, because it could if you needed to make a quick exit. I mean, you have to be on skis, though. Yeah, that's true, but I think that's all for for the random story today. Just it's not random. It's about Nigel. But I know a lot of people. I've had so many people, you know, reaching out, saying, what about Nigel? You know, he's our. He really appreciates it. He feels your love. David's random story. All right, that's it. Thanks for listening. This is why we put the random story at the end. Because you know what? If you made it this far, you're one of us. So welcome to the family. Yeah, we love you. Uh, leave a little comment below. Let us know what you thought about the serious part, and also about the controversy that is currently embroiling our favorite. Nigel. Yeah, hit that little thumb button. The subscribe button. Let a friend, a family member, and even a hated sworn enemy know about this podcast so they can hate. Listen, uh, and let us know everything we did wrong at Luke. We love you. And that is it. Peace.

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